Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
