I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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