I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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