me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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