ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
