What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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