Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
