she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
