Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
