Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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