NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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