everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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