So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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