I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
