bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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