4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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