Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
