god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
