I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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