I cockslap morals
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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