If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When are your genitals available?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
