it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Fuck me I smell like cheese
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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