i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
