Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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