You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
