if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
be right there i have to get my cape
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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