Can i not drive my cunt home
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
