highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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