He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
