So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize