GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
