mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
