The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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