Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
