How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
