two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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