cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
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Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
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Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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