I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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