never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
