please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
