Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
