we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
