we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
