quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
