I hate all girls vehemently.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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