Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
