dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
