i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The air taste purple.
Randomize
