I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
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It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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