I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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