you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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