He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the day after is always just damage control
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
