All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
