haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
