My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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