tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize