smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
