return my video game
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Houston, we have a squirter
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
