If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
