Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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