So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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