checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
