i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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