Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
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Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
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It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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