I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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