as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
