okay pat passed out under dana's car
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
P.S. I can't hear my feet
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
