the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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