I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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