we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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