does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
