i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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