so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
