i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
