My balls are so social today.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
