Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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