you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
