I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
