So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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