Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
well I can't set my house on fire every night
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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