dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
